Fine
by Milly-It-Is
Summary: Everyone thought this was a terrible idea. No one had heard from him in a while. Even Marti hadn't heard anything since June, so she was pretty sure he forgot there were other people on the planet besides himself. Or he was seeing someone. Which was cool. She knew logically that she was on the highway, but it felt like she was hurtling along at 100km per hour towards disaster.
1. Chapter 1

Hi peeps!

It's been a long time. I hope you enjoy! :)

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><p><strong>Fine<strong>

Casey shrugged into her coat and pulled her hair free of her collar. Maybe she should have worn it up. The curls were already threatening to flatten and she wasn't even out of the house yet. Lovely. She blew out a breath to calm herself. If this was the worst that was going to happen it would be fine. Better than fine; it would be great. Somehow, though, she doubted that her hair would be the biggest problem. Tonight was going to be a nightmare.

Everyone thought that this was a terrible idea. Her mother had called three separate times already, and Liz had interrogated about every aspect of her life this afternoon.

"Stop trying to psycho-analyze me, Lizzie," Casey complained as she debated heels in her mirror. "She was my friend first."

"Case, I'm just not understanding why you are torturing yourself like this."

"It's a wedding, Liz, it's not like we're going to have to talk about anything. Plus there is an open wine bar."

"I thought you were driving."

"I am driving. I'm just hoping that everyone else likes the idea of a free wine bar."

"Casey," her sister sounded tired.

"It's okay, Liz; I'm a big girl. I can handle it."

"I dunno, I wouldn't want to go know he might show up."

"See, that's just it! It's a might. He might be there, he might not. And I'm leaning more towards the not side, because I'm pretty sure he's on the lam or something."

No one had heard from him in a while. Even Marti said she hadn't heard anything since June, so she was pretty sure he forgot there were other people on the planet besides himself. Or he was seeing someone. Which was cool; he was an adult with free will and all that. Everyone was allowed to date. Marti, however, was completely offended.

"Are you going by yourself?"

"Yeah, I think so," Casey decided on the black boots. They pulled attention to her dress and would hopefully keep her feet warmer than the red peep-toes. "I mean the invite was only for me and I really don't know anyone that would want to be there. And Gwen said she'd meet me there, so I'll have someone to talk to, so that'll be fine."

"Weren't he and Gwen friends?"

"I don't really know. She's just more on my side than I am, so that has bizarre-o potential."

"Casey, I just don't want you to feel like you have to go." Maybe Liz needed a nap; she really sounded exhausted.

"Of course I'm going to go! My first college roommate is getting married; of course I'm going to be there."

It took a couple of tries to convince Lizzie that she was fine. Nora had been more difficult, but eventually had a screaming five-year-old to attend and let Casey go. At least she knew her opinionated family cared. Everything was going to be okay. She'd even purchased the perfect gift for Amanda, so everything was going to be just fine.

She found her keys and looked up directions on her phone before pulling on her gloves and winding her scarf around her neck. Her hair was probably a mess. Maybe she should spray it down one more time? She didn't want it to be crunchy, but she also didn't want to look like she'd arrived in a convertible.

She and Amanda hadn't ever been extremely good friends, but they had been friends and had a great college relationship. Granted, when Casey had broken up with Jay, they'd become a little estranged, and when Casey graduated a year early, they'd sort of lost touch but when they were in the same town, they'd always take time to get coffee and catch up. They were friends.

And Casey had totally seen this wedding coming. The minute she'd mentioned Nathan their freshman year of college and had called him "not-a-date-Nate" she figured there was something there. At least one of them had been right.

Casey shook her head to clear it. That was years ago. Several. Several years ago. She was older and wiser and more mature. And she would handle herself as such. If only her hair would handle itself as such, she'd feel completely prepared. Whatever. She'd endured worse. She swallowed hard. She logically knew that she was on the highway, but felt like she was hurtling along at 100km per hour towards disaster.

Marti texted her as she pulled up to the venue.

'Hey KC…hes an idiot so if he shows feel free to ignore him…I fully plan on ignoring him until hes smarter…which could be awhile'

That was nice. Apart from the lack of punctuation, it was lovely to have Marti's words of wisdom. She was probably more upset about the stalemate than Casey was, but everyone ignored it so, Casey couldn't be sure. Edwin sent her a picture of a duckling in a teacup; his version of support.

She checked her face in her visor mirror, decided on a little more mascara, just for show, and finally pushed her door open.

It'd stopped snowing for the time being, and she adored how beautifully the fairy lights in the shrubbery made the entrance. It was like a dream. If only the sick, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach would agree to the dream and keep it together.

She took a deep breath as she stored her coat-check coupon in her purse. She smoothed her skirt. Maybe she should have brought someone with her. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so isolated. She looked around the circle of chairs, looking for a seat where she could hear and see the ceremony. Or at least see Amanda. She'd only actually met Nathan once.

She chose a spot in the third circle of chairs back from the archway built in the center of the room and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. She didn't recognize anyone.

And then she heard him.

She shrunk in her seat and looked around. She'd know that voice anywhere.

He was here.

And then she saw him. His arm draped over a girl laughing at a man in the row behind.

He was here.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone!

Happy December! Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: Not in the cards for me, I hear, to be the owner of any copyrighted information.

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><p>The only thing that went through her mind was a string of bad words. Bad words that mostly started with "F." And she was a professional woman who didn't use such words.<p>

She had been so caught up in being fine and everything being okay that she didn't actually realize she was nowhere near okay. She was panicking. Badly. She needed a paper bag or an inhaler or something. Her head was buzzing, and she hadn't even been anywhere near the free wine bar. Did he see her? Because then he'd know she was freaking out. He always new. Damn him.

Casey looked around. Maybe she should move seats? He was on the other side of the arch, so if she moved just a few seats she'd be blocked. Maybe his lady-friend would distract him for the entire evening. _Oh, gross,_ Casey scolded herself. _Not like that._ But honestly, that's usually why people brought dates to events like this, right? Why hadn't she brought someone again? Right. Because she was fine. She wished Gwen would get here faster.

Casey arranged her purse, crouched down, and moved two seats down. Perfect. Now she couldn't see him. She could just see lady-friend. Great. She could see his arm over her shoulder and watched her giggle as he stuck a finger in her ear. _That's nice_, she thought, rolling her eyes. _At least he's matured. _

She bit the inside of her cheek and checked her watch. Ten minutes before the ceremony started. She didn't want to be _that_ person, the one always on her phone, but she clicked it on and shot her sister a text.

'You'll never guess who showed.'

The response was almost immediate.

'Oh, wonderful. He lives.'

And Liz wasn't her only responder. Apparently she was a sharer.

'abort! abort! abort mission!' from Marti, followed a second later by, 'unless there is cake to throw at his stupid face'

'Honey, I don't think this is a very good idea. Why don't you just come home? Love, Mom'

Casey typed her sister back quickly.

'What, did you have a phone tree ready or something?' Because, really, if she was going to have this kind of text response, she was hoping Liz didn't know anyone in the Mounties. Or a SWAT team. That would definitely draw attention her way. And today was about Amanda. Amanda and Nathan.

'No cake yet, Mart, just flowers.' No wine either; it already felt like a long night.

'I'm fine, Mom.' She tucked her phone under her leg and looked across the arch. She could see him lace fingers with his date.

Casey looked at her program. If she was smart, and nixed the glass of wine she had planned on having, she could duck out of the reception before the firework send off without offending Amanda, and without having to run into anyone else. Or anyone else's lady-friends.

'there's plenty of snow outside. throw that. cake later' Marti was so mature. Casey wasn't going to throw snow, or cake for that matter. She was a grow-up. Grown-ups didn't throw things. They handled things in a mature and adult manner. And maybe if she said it enough, her brain would start to believe it.

She kept her head down and focused on her breathing. In and out; in and out. There. She was fine, everything was going to be just fine.

He should be the one freaking out, anyway. Because he'd been the one that stopped talking to everyone. He'd been the one that made it weird. It was he that stood there, not saying anything. He should be the one to get antsy and hyperventilate. She knew he never would, though; he was too Type B for that. Too cool. He'd usually leave the freaking out to her.

She swallowed. She would be calm and collect; the picture of sophistication and elegance. If only her knees would stop shaking. She wove her fingers together in her lap and stared at her shoes.

"Hey," Casey looked up as she felt the seat next to her become occupied. Gwen arranged her dress over her legs and leaned over, giving Casey a hug. "How _are_ you? It's been forever!" Her voice blended into the din of small chatter; she was keeping her voice low.

"I'm great, Gwen, how are you?"

"God, I'm freezing. I should have worn boots like you instead of heels and tights. I cannot feel my toes." She sniffed and settled herself in her chair, rubbing her hands together. "Oh, God." Casey looked at her.

"What?"

"What, what?"

"What are you 'oh, god'-ing?" Casey narrowed her eyes as Gwen pointed discretely to the couple on the other side of the arch. "Oh."

"I didn't think he was going to come! I mean you knew Mands better than he ever did, so I was sort of thinking that maybe he wasn't going to be invited. Or if he was, that he wouldn't show. Especially since you're here."

"It's a wedding day miracle." Casey deadpanned.

"I am so sorry, Case," Gwen gushed. "If that ass-hat gets anywhere near us, I'm going to verbally abuse him."

"It's fine, Gwen."

"But, for reals though, if he wanted to neck her without looking like a complete douche-nozzle, then he should have done the decent thing and not even show up."

"It's fine. He's an adult. He can make his own choices." And decency usually wasn't one of them.

"Yeah, but he's also really stupid, so sometimes I'm doubtful of his cognitive abilities."

"It's okay, Gwen," Casey soothed again. Gwen was so fiercely her friend that it was almost overwhelming. She might have been more upset than Casey. "Everything's okay. We're all grown-ups and this is about Amanda."

"Right! Okay, forgetting Mr. Ass-clown, and focusing on sobbing hysterically over the fact that a girl I went to college with, and who is several months my junior, is getting married and I haven't even seriously dated anyone in over a year."

"Good plan," Casey mused, opening her program again and checking her watch. "There is a free wine bar later."

"Perfect. Amanda's day is just absolutely stunningly perfect. As long as there's wine. "

The ceremony really was lovely. Casey'd had a perfect view of Amanda, and only cried a little when Amanda's dad got choked up as he handed her off. It was magical.

Casey and Gwen picked up their chairs as soon as Amanda and Nathan had retreated down their aisle and moved over to the tables set up in the wine barrel storage room next door.

"Are you going to peace out?" Gwen asked, as she searched her purse for tip money. Casey put her scarf and her bag on their claimed table and shifted her weight from foot to foot, pondering her options. Gwen put a few dollars between her lips as she closed her bag and looked up. Casey took a deep breath and made up her mind.

"No," she sighed. "I mean, he's clearly cool with it and it doesn't really matter." Gwen arched an eyebrow at her. "Really, I'll be fine."

"Okay," Gwen sounded resigned. "Are you going for the 'sophisticated' or the 'don't you wish you still talked to me' approach?" Dammit. Gwen was on to her. Casey chewed the inside of her check.

"Probably both?" Casey winced. Gwen nodded, linking her arm through Casey's and tugging her to the forming line in front of the bar. "I'm just going to try really hard to not say the mean things my brain is thinking out loud."

"Maybe we should cut ourselves off at one glass then, eh?" Gwen smirked. Casey smiled. They both grabbed glasses and wove their way back through the meandering people.

"So, how's your new job?" Casey asked, looking around.

"Oh, my God, I love it. I mean I went to school for HR, so that's totally what I wanted to be doing, but this recruiting thing is fabulous. I love talking to people and meeting people and forcing people to listen to me. It's quite a power trip." Casey nodded, half listening, trying to stay ultra aware of her surroundings. Maybe her brain would pick him up on radar or something so she'd know if he was near her without making it look like she was looking for him. Because she wasn't. She'd rather not look at him, or see him at all really. But he didn't have to know that. She was a sophisticated adult. And this was his fault.

Gwen watched her for a second more than Casey was comfortable with, making her feel like an orphaned duckling. She knew that look. She'd received that look a lot. Liz and her mother were particularly talented with that look.

"I'm fine, Gwen, stop looking at me."

"Where am I supposed to look then, Case, when we are having our simulating conversations?"

"Ugh, fine, just stop-don't look at me like that, okay?"

"It's just," Gwen started, "I feel so bad about, you know, the present guest list."

"Don't, Gwen, it's fine. I'm a big girl and I am doing amazing things, so stop looking at me like that and we will have a fabulous time."

Gwen seemed to want to protest, but she cleared her throat and took a sip from her little plastic cup. "Okay, fine, you win."

"Excellent. I like winning."

"Oh, yes, I know," Gwen smiled, widely. "Hey, there's Manda, let's go say hi and squeal really loudly." Casey grinned conspiratorially. She really did miss these girls.

The three of them chatted for a moment, allowing Amanda a minute to breathe and steal tastes of each of their wine choices.

"God, this is so crazy! I can't believe you're married," Casey gushed.

"I know! All I wanted to do was throw a party and get really dressed up." They laughed.

"So, nothing to do with the fact that you've loved each other since high school?" Gwen raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, no, of course not." Amanda giggled and hugged them both before her family called her attention away.

"Want to go reclaim our table and I'll see if there's anything to eat?" Gwen offered, already looking to a line forming near a canopy. Casey nodded and wandered through the now mostly occupied tables. She didn't know a single other person here.

She'd never met Amanda's family, apart from her parents and her sister, and she'd only ever met Nathan himself once, so Gwen was her lifeboat in a sea of people she didn't know. It probably didn't help that after she graduated, everyone else still had their senior year. Which, it seemed, was the crucial time for friendships.

She sat at their table, periodically checking her phone. She felt awkward. Where was Gwen? She didn't want to come across as pathetic and sitting alone, especially in present company. She was saved from her downward spiral train of thought as Gwen squeezed between two chairs, carrying three plates and her cup of wine.

"Okay, I've got spinach artichoke dip, some sort of puff pastry thing, crackers, cheese, and some fruit. Nothing super substantial over there," Gwen listed out, nodding to each food item.

"Fine by me," Casey said, stealing one of the plates for herself. They were quite for a while as they ate and watched people mill around. Amanda seemed to be everywhere all at once. She really was quite impressive.

"We all think he's an idiot, by the way," Gwen said softly. Casey's stomach dropped. Everyone always wanted to talk about it. She was so tired of that; she was talked-out on that subject.

"Yeah, well, that's sort of his MO." Casey hoped Gwen picked up from her tone that she didn't want to talk about that.

"But, really, he had so much going for him and, then that whole thing with Kayla," Gwen was not easily deterred. "He's really a dumbass."

And Casey really didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to keep remembering. She wanted to pretend it never happened, and usually, that was fairly easy. It was helpful that he'd cut himself off from everyone; it was one less thing she would have to do herself.

She sighed loudly, hoping to change the subject.

"Did you know he moved to Sudbury? With a girl?"

"Gwen."

"He's working in a coffee shop. So, I mean, thank God he got a degree, right?"

"Gwen," Casey tried again.

"He's not happy." Casey snorted.

"Okay, I very much doubt that he would involve himself, and stay, in a situation that doesn't make him happy. Have you met him? He's pretty good at self-fulfillment, others be damned."

"I know, I'm just pretty sure he's-"

"Gwen," Casey cut her off, "I really, really don't want to spend any more time talking about this. It was a million years ago."

"Well, three," Gwen interjected. Casey ignored her.

"And we both have separate lives and we don't have to be involved in each other's existences any more. It's not a big deal, and if we keep talking about it and bringing it up, it will turn into a big deal."

Gwen looked at her too long again, but didn't say anything. "Okay," she finally sighed. "I just though you ought to know."

"Ignorance is bliss," Casey grumbled.

"Okay, fine." Gwen threw a grape at Casey's head. "Oh, dear Lord."

"What? What now?" Gwen was looking behind her. Sadly her wish for radar had not been granted, and she was too scared to turn around.

"Hi Gweny!" A female voice called, heels approaching the table. Casey turned, slightly relaxed at the gender of vocal chords, and immediately regretted it. Lady-friend was click-clacking toward their table. Casey spun on Gwen.

"Sorry," Gwen whispered, wincing slightly. "Hey, Jocelyn." Lady-friend had a name. Jocelyn. Casey frowned. She knew that name. Amanda had mentioned that name before. At school.

"Oh, my God, this is the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's like I'm inside one of those wedding blogs, you know?"

"Yeah," Gwen commented, her eyes flicking over to Casey. "Amanda is a champion of the cute."

"Oh, my God, I know!" Jocelyn giggled. She was a giggler. "Just don't tell her that it looks like Pinterest, because she got a bit offended at that." She put her drink on their table and adjusted her strapless dress.

"Good to know," Gwen commented.

"Yeah, so I got her a beer to repent for my sins, and I think I'm forgiven." Lady-friend flicked her hair over her shoulder.

"Smart thinking."

"I thought so," Jocelyn giggled again. "So, how are you? What are you up to?"

"Oh, this and that," Gwen's tone was airy.

"I heard you started a new job? A non-college kid job? With an actual company? Not like a retail job? I was just telling D-"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Gwen cut across. "Have you met Casey yet?"

The response was immediate. The girl turned toward Casey and looked like she was choking on her tongue.

"Oh, my God," Lady-friend coughed, her eyes bugging, "_You're_ Casey?"

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><p><em>Aren't weddings fun? <em>


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everybody!

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! I love hearing your thoughts...

Enjoy!

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><p>Casey was very aware of her breathing. Every person in the immediate vicinity could probably feel how ragged her in- and exhalations sounded. They could probably hear her heart thud as it dropped into her stomach. She should have prepared for this more, or at least have Googled some keywords. She knew the statistic probability of this exact situation, within a 95% certainty; she could probably draw out this specific bell curve and shade this precise moment; and still felt at an utter loss.<p>

"You're Casey?" Jocelyn repeated, patting her chest after chocking on whatever she'd been drinking. Casey took a shallow breath in.

"Yep?" She sighed, in what was really more of a squeak. "That's me." Because really, what was she supposed to say? No? Gwen had introduced them literally seconds ago. Casey could feel her mind panicking; because she couldn't think of anything positive that would make this girl choke at the mere mention of her name.

"Oh, my God. You're-oh, my God. Sorry, hi, I'm-ouch-" Jocelyn moved the chair she'd tripped over and held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Jocelyn."

Casey shook hands, feeling ridiculous. "Yeah," she smiled amicably. She could be nice, "I know." And then immediately mentally kicked herself. How creepy was she going to be today? Lady-friend seemed to freeze up. Casey fumbled over words to explain her train of thought without sounding insane. Or like a stalker. "You took psych right after Amanda and I did. I think she gave you our notes."

Jocelyn relaxed a bit. "Right! Yeah, those were great notes. Really detailed. I hated that class, but the notes were great."

"Yeah," Casey smiled. The three of them sat in a few seconds of heavy silence. This was her own fault. She should have snuck out like she'd planned. Her unhealthy addiction to competition was going to get her into trouble. Or make her say stuff without her explicit permission. She could see Gwen try to think of something to say before the awkwardness became palpable.

"Well, it was great to meet you, Casey," Jocelyn finally said. "It was super great to see you again Gwen; we should do lunch if you're ever back in town. We can catch up." Her gaze flicked briefly to Casey. Casey pretended she didn't notice, biting the inside of her cheek. "I'd better get back to my date," Jocelyn giggled, but stopped suddenly, looking back at Casey and then down at her drink. Casey was about ready to scream. "Okay, see you," Jocelyn finally spun and clacked back across the dance floor, only looking back once.

Casey breathed out a huge sigh and dropped her head to the table.

"Casey," Gwen pet her hand, "Case, I am so sorry." Casey groaned and raised her head.

"It's fine. Really, it's fine. I'm just," she pinched the bridge of her nose. "That was weird. What _was_ that?"

"She's just friendly?"

" But, I mean, she choked when you introduced us."

"That, yeah, she did," Gwen swallowed, "she did that."

"Gwen."

"Well, you know, all of us, when you left, all of us kind of used to hang out all together."

"Who is all of us?"

"The same as it was, you know; me, Manda, Leslie, Allie, Nick, him, and Miller. Sometimes Clintin. And whenever Nate would drive up, Nate."

"When I left?"

"Yeah, I mean our group got a little bigger when you graduated, but it was still that bunch of people. And then, you know, it was Manda's house, so she'd invite people, and Jocelyn was in a few classes." Gwen shrugged

"Okay."

"But this was when the shit with Kayla was going down."

"Gwen."

"No, hold on, Manda worked for Kayla's mom, so maybe that was before."

"Gwen."

"Gimme a minute, I'll get my timeline in a second."

"Gwen, it's fine. It honestly doesn't matter."

"I just thought you should know."

"Thanks, Gwen, really."

"It's not like we were super close friends, we just hung out with group stuff."

Casey wasn't sure how to get Gwen on a different subject. She really didn't want to relive the most painful year of her life to date. Especially with so many people around. Plus she was over it. Completely.

"It's fine, Gwen." Casey gave a grin she didn't feel. "I've just never heard anyone call you 'Gwen-y' before."

"Ha," Gwen rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Joce is a hoot."

Casey looked over to where Lady-friend had exited and saw him chatting with a subdued Jocelyn. He knew she was here. He knew.

"Okay," Casey stood. "Okay. That's," she grabbed her scarf, "I think I'm gonna head out."

Gwen winced. "Are you sure? They've just started the music. We could drink and then jump around, because I can't dance?"

"Yeah, I think it'd be better if I just went home. I mean this is Amanda's day and I don't want to involve my drama or to make people think that I'm _that _person."

"What person?"

"The person that has to make everything about her. You know, who has to be the center of attention or who has to drag her selfish drama into everything. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that person."

"Okay, okay," Gwen stood as Casey gathered her things. "Let's go get your coat."

Every fiber of Casey's being was screaming at her to run away. Lizzie had been right. Her mother had been right. This had been a terrible idea. She rummaged through her purse for her coat-check ticket and then looked around for Amanda. She should probably say goodbye.

Gwen went to redeem Casey's coat ticket for her as she navigated the crowd toward the bride. Casey waited as Amanda chatted with her roommates, before making her goodbyes.

"I'm so glad you could come!" Amanda squealed into Casey's shoulder, hugging her goodbye. "That means so much to me!"

Casey smiled widely back at her, "Me too! It was so fun to see everyone, and I am so happy for you!"

"Well, call me whenever you're back in town, and we can grab coffee."

"I'd like that," Casey rearranged her purse. "That would be nice. Have an amazing time on your honeymoon."

"Oh, yes, I'm going to live it up on the beach." Amanda giggled. Casey laughed with her; she was so happy for her. Amanda was such a wonderful person.

She hugged the wall, hoping to be mostly invisible, as she approached the coat check. Gwen sighed.

"It was so nice to see you," she sighed, handing Casey her coat. "Sorry that things got, you know, dramatic."

"It's fine," Casey sighed, stuffing her arms in her sleeves. "I'll just go home and drink enough wine or gin to forget that this night ever happened." Gwen gave her a weird look. "Okay, maybe I'll just sleep for a few days and _pretend _that this night ever happened."

"That sounds more like you," Gwen grinned. Casey pulled her flattened curls free of her coat collar.

"It was so good to see you again, Gwen." Casey wrapped her arms around Gwen's boney shoulders.

"I'm so glad we got to do this together," Gwen squeezed Casey. "Text me if you're ever up this direction again. We'll hang out. You bring the wine."

Casey laughed. "Sounds like a plan." She checked her purse for her keys and sighed. "I'll see you later."

Gwen waved as Casey pushed the door open. Snow had started falling again. Casey muttered under her breath. She should have brought gloves or mittens or something. She watched her boots land carefully in the snow as she made her way to her car. She prayed to a higher power that she didn't need to scrape anything off of her windshield; it did just look like snow.

She'd escaped. She'd gotten through this evening without too much trouble. She'd only put her foot in her mouth a couple of times and had hopefully smoothed each situation over so nothing was too terrible. She'd escaped with most of her dignity and had avoided the nightmare situation that this wedding could have been. Plus she'd avoided the person she least wanted to see and had made an appearance as a sophisticated, professional adult.

She counted the rows to her parking space, enjoying the crunching sound her shoes made in the snow. Her smile faltered as she approached her car. There were more shoes crunching the snow than just her own. She turned sharply and saw him following her.

"Hey, Princess, sneaking out before the cake?"

She dropped her keys. _Fuck._

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><p>Because the cake is obviously the best part of any wedding... :)<p>

Let me know what you think!


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